ten Boon's

I just finished reading Corrie ten Boon's "The Hiding Place." My thoughts on the book in one word? Inspiring. Amazing. Encouraging. Okay, so maybe that was three words but you get the point. Corrie's family was an incredible christian family living in Holland during the time of World War 2. She is the daughter of a faithful watchmaker who is well respected in their town and many times "forgets" to send the bill. Their family loves the Lord and begins and ends every day with scripture.

One of the many things that stuck out to me about Corrie was that she was single her entire life. When she was younger, she fell in love with a man who couldn't marry her because her social class was not high enough for his family to approve. Corrie was at her sisters wedding, in her late thirties, and finally realizes and accepts the fact that she is never going to marry. She is going to stay at home with her father and ill sister for the rest of her life. She continues to say that this was not a sad thought, but a happy one. Her whole attitude towards the single life is positive.

I began to wonder why and how Corrie could live a fulfilling life barely ever consumed with the thought of a life of celebicy. But then I realized that she was never concerned about a relationship with a man because of the immense love and time she put into her relationship with her Savior. I recall reading somewhere, I think it was in the Confessions of St. Augustine, about how we don't need to have a spouse. We should be able to live in a relationship with God that our love is so wide and so deep that we don't even desire to have the physical need of a spouse met. Maybe this is what Paul was talking about when he says that we are better of to live single. I don't know for sure, but I do know that I was so inspired by Corries attitude and how well it fit in with my recent vow of singleness. =)

Corrie and Betsie, both in their fifties, end up in a women's concentration camp in Germany for hiding Jews in their home and being a part of an underground mission to save the Jews. For one, I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to live in those conditions. And second, to have the ever increasing amounts of faith these two women had. Never once did they become bitter towards God. In ever situation they looked to Him for the answers and the leading. There is too many examples to even share with you! The book is filled with God meeting the needs of His people and answering their prayers.

It is interesting because just the other day Kaylin and I were talking about prayer. We both admitted that we don't spend much time at all in prayer or in specific prayer. There is a huge difference between general prayer and specific. So often we settle for the generic "Thank you for this day" prayer and move on with our day. Corrie and Betsie asked God specifically for help in each situation. After our talk about prayer, we decided we were going to work on it. Just last night, she told me of how she was interceding for her brother and asking God to help him to open up and talk to her about life. Sure enough, yesterday, her brother came to her (which is totally out of character) and shared his heart. God is good isn't he?? Why is my faith so small that I think that I can change things on my own?

God, my prayer is that you would increase my faith tenfold. I claim the promise that says "Ask and it will be given to you, knock and the door will be opened." Through this book, you have shown me of your wonders. They are not limited to history. They can and will happen today if I rely on you, oh Lord. Forgive my doubting and skeptical nature. Soften my heart to be more aware of you and your presence in my life. Thank you for the witness that Corrie and Betsie ten Boon have been through their book. Continue Lord, to keep me in awe. Amen

A Vow...

So as I was taking my friend Aubree back to the airport in Buffalo last Tuesday, I decided to make a vow of singleness. You are probably thinking, "What? Jordan you are crazy." And yes, this is exactly what I said to Kaylin when she first said she was taking the vow to be single forever. Of course, she didn't really mean forever forever, but nevertheless, I deemed her psycho. I mean come on, who doesn't love the attention of the opposite sex?

It seemed though, as we get older, the pressure to find a spouse increases. Especially at a Christian school. So of course, as girls, my friends and I are constantly talking about boys and who we are going to marry, or who we can see each other with. And by NO means is any of this talk wrong, but it can lead to this daunting state of not being content....one which I feel as though I have been in for many, many years. One that, if I didn't have a boy in my life, left me feeling empty and unwanted.

So that is how I solved it. I had boys. Most short lived, a few longer, and one 3 years. And the times when there wasn't a boy in my life I had crushes. (the ones that you daydream about constantly and wish that you would run into everywhere you go...you know the kind) This semester comes around and sure enough, so do the boy interests. What I don't understand is that if God wants me to be patient and wait around for just the right guy that he has for me, then why does he bring around all these other random ones that I could possibly date. And that is what happened not too long ago. A guy that I had met in a crazy and embarrassing way of which I will not share with you, decided after hanging out with me a few times that I just wasn't the one. Now I did respect the way he did this and don't hold it against him. But of course, my pride was hurt.

Which could possibly be the reason to which I initially wanted to take this half serious vow of singleness. But now, after claiming my vow for the past week, I have decided is something that I need. I yearn for that contentment in my heart. I know that God created a desire in me for a husband, and I claim that truth. But I also know the truth that his timing is perfect. I want so bad for my desire for the Lord to consume me more than a desire for a mate. God, why is it so hard? Logically, it should be easy to desire God more; I mean He is the creator of the universe and the one who offers eternal life, not to mention protects and provides for us. But my flesh, my stupid worldly flesh, tells me that I need a man to be complete. The devil knows that is where my weakness lies.

In reality, my vow a singleness is more of a vow of contentment than anything. I call it my vow of singleness as more of a mind game I play with myself....how long can I be single and not worry about dating or finding someone? Knowing that my tendency is to seek the attention of the male gender, I am in a sense trying to prove myself wrong. I want to learn to be content before I meet my husband; to use my own passions and gifts as an offering to the Lord. I want to fall so in love with my Savior that I would be totally happy living with Him as the only man in my life for the rest of my life. That is truly what I want out of this vow.

Introduction

Years after years I have tried to keep a journal. My best friend Kaylin has kept a journal for what seems like her entire life. I, on the other hand, have tried my best to make it through one lone journal...never quite succeeding. After watching the movie Julie & Julia the other night (which wasn't my favorite movie...) in which Julie begins writing a blog about cooking, I was inspired to start my own blog. Not about cooking of course (I would only have like 2 entries) but about life and my thoughts throughout the day...and most of all, my spiritual journey.

I feel as though my brain holds these thoughts about God and life but since I never write them down, they get lost in the business and clutter of the day. Something about not picking up an actual pen to journal may bring about some consistency. I guess we will see...

I am not so much concerned about people actually reading this or not. I am more excited to see growth in my own personal life. So Lord, I pray, as this blog begins that you would reveal things to me through writing this. That this would be a way to express the things impressed on my heart. You are good Lord. "You have put a new song in my mouth- Praise to our God; Many will see and fear, and will trust the Lord."- Psalm 40:3